Women's Issues Articles
 

'Cause I'm a Woman...
Expanding, Embracing (or both) those Pesky Gender Stereotypes
By Amy Phillips-Gary

I clearly remember being a child singing along to this infamous perfume commercial of the 80s :

"I can bring home the bacon
Fry it up in a pan
And never let you forget you're a man
'Cause I'm a woman..."

While marketing their perfume, the company also reflected changing gender roles in the U.S. at the time and the struggles that were going on in heterosexual relationships and within individuals as well.

Could a woman be successful in the paid workforce, continue to be the primary caretaker for her family and home AND kept her man sexually satisfied in the process?

Today, around 30 years later, many of those gender expectations and struggles continue.

Of course, there have been a lot of changes. It is probably more common for women to work in paid employment outside the home than it is for them to be unpaid for their labors in the home.

There are also plenty of fathers who stay home to care for their children-- though it is still primarily a path taken by mothers.

Identifying Assumptions
I'm interested in the assumptions that we all tend to make about ourselves and others because of the labels we wear.

There are many identity labels that a person can have.

We all walk around sorted into a sex, a gender (sometimes these are different), a race, a socio-economic status, an ethnic or geographical marker, and the list can go on and on.

And accompanying each of these identifications is a whole heap of expectations and assumptions.

Many of us try to resist some of these stereotypes while we embrace and celebrate other aspects of being whatever the particular identity marker is.

We might also play up particular identities that we hold and perhaps attempt to hide or diminish others.

For years I tried to personally dispel the stereotype of women being less able to complete particular tasks. I took it as my challenge to prove once and for all that women are strong and can't be boxed in by that "weaker sex" label.

My theme song for a long time was the musical tune "Anything you can do, I can do better..."

And as I gravitated to non-traditional jobs, I attempted to show anyone and everyone this whenever I had a chance!

I have moved into a different place in recent years. The choices I've made as a mother and a woman-- who is also white, heterosexual, middle class, and so on-- have shifted.

I resist the stereotypes less than I did before.  I no longer see it as "my job" to prove anything about women as a gender.

I've come to this place, in part, because I've begun to realize how fluid, multi-dimensional and layered I am. And I know this has to be the case for women and men everywhere.

Don't get me wrong, I still cringe and fume when my male neighbor informs me that I cannot operate a roto-tiller simply because I'm a woman.

Open the door to all that you are.
There is no doubt in my mind that we are all unfinished creations. The beauty of it all is that we get to do the creating and there really is no "end" point to the process.

Each and every one of us walks around carrying particular identity markers that were given to us culturally and some self-adopted as we've moved through our lives.

Some might argue that being a man or a woman biologically means that you will have particular propensities and tendencies.

I want to shift the discussion away from whether it is nature or nurture that "causes" girls to play with Barbies and boys to turn sticks into pretend guns.

Instead, I'm intrigued by how we can all expand beyond these imposed boundaries, when we choose to.

Have you ever noticed yourself stopping in your tracks because the actions you were about to take seemed "wrong" for you as a woman, man, white person, person of color, one who doesn't have a college degree or one who has earned a
doctorate?

How many times-- and this might be tricky to guess because it can be automatic and unconscious-- do you take a particular path in life or respond in a certain way because that's what's expected of you?

I encourage all of us to become more aware so that we know when we're shoving down a desire simply because it's "against" some cultural, familial or personal rule about what's appropriate for someone of "your" identity demarcation.

Practice opening the door to all that you are-- and allow space for you to expand and grow in whatever direction you truly want to go.

For me, this might mean that I use a roto-tiller despite my male neighbor's disparaging remarks (which I have already done several times, by the way).

And it might also mean that I tap deeper into my femininity through the way I dress, for example, or how I nurture my sons.

As we all probably know, you don't have to throw out a behavior just because it has been made into a stereotype. I love to immerse myself in a wonderful romance story when I watch a movie-- but other times I like a great adventure
with action and even a bit of violence too.

I can explore all aspects of what it is to be me at this moment in my life.

Create space for others to be all they can be.
As you begin to give yourself permission to be or not be some particular aspect of your identity, you can grant the same space to others in your life.

Be sure to allow your partner, your children, your neighbors, co-workers and clients to discover their own capacities for expansion.

Don't assume that an opportunity, task, experience, gift, or anything will automatically appeal or not appeal to those close to you simply based on their identities.

Stay open to who the people in your life present themselves to be in each moment.

Don't lock anyone-- including yourself-- into a role or a set of tendencies simply because it is his or her identity or even was a preference in the past.

You might find this new way of looking at yourself and others uncomfortable. After all, stereotypes make the world seem more predictable and even appear easier to understand.

Explore what it can feel like to reach new understandings and depths of a person each time you interact. Feel how freeing it can be to truly know that you can make a change and be a fuller, more satisfied and alive you with few, if any, limits.

Embrace all of who you are-- including those identity markers if you choose them-- and be what you want to be.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.





 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
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