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Women's Issues
Articles
The Beauty
Conundrum: Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth
By Amy Phillips-Gary
Being beautiful has always been something that I've wanted to feel-- yet
never seemed to be able to attain for very long. I look at the shapes
and aspects of other women whom I deem to be attractive as they walk
down the street or grace the pages of a magazine and the seeming
deficiencies in my own body begin to pile up.
I usually just don't see myself measuring up which makes the whole
"feeling beautiful thing" difficult.
At the same time, I hold a belief that there is something superficial
about stunning beauty. I know enough about the airbrushing and altering
of images to doubt that any real woman literally looks like that "cover
girl" I'm comparing myself to.
And I also find myself falling into the dichotomous and limiting belief
that one can be either pretty or smart-- not both at the same time.
There is an underlying stereotype of beautiful women as somehow shallow,
egotistical and even vapid.
To top it all off, right now in my life I am focused in on my personal
growth and spiritual expansion. This has nothing to do with feeling
beautiful, does it?
This all makes for quite the conundrum.
I want to be beautiful and I tend to judge myself in comparison to
images of beauty that have been manufactured (or attained through
sometimes dangerous means re: self-starving or diet-pill dependencies).
All the while I do this wishing for beauty, self-judging and comparing,
I don't really respect being beautiful. I buy into the stereotype that
beautiful women are narcissistic and hollow and I even see beauty as a
surface concern.
I know, there seems to be a lot of conflicting and confused thoughts in
here!
Beauty is more than just skin deep
I assert that discovering, affirming and celebrating your beauty is very
much a personal growth endeavor. The way that beauty is predominantly
understood is quite limited.
Understandably, I (along with the bulk of the population I bet)
initially associate being beautiful with a particular way of looking. It
seems to be an attractiveness and aesthetic appeal that is perfect in
some particular way at first consideration.
But when I really think about it, beauty is an essence and an energy
certain people just have. The difference is obvious when I take a step
back and re-think being beautiful.
Yes, the effects can be pleasing to the eye when a woman has created a
particular look using makeup, hair styling and clothing. But a woman (or
man) whose beauty effuses forth from within doesn't have to put forth
those kinds of efforts.
She or he walks around confidently knowing her or his own worth, value
and beauty. There is a depth and a sense of empowerment present in this
manner of being beautiful.
The dictionary defines beauty as a "quality" that evokes pleasure.
I think it undercuts the possibilities of beauty to confine it to the
surface of our bodies and appearances.
At the same time, our appearances usually reflect what's going on inside
of us. If you are conducting your life in ways that are life-affirming,
self-respecting and expansive, you are building your inner beauty and it
undoubtedly shows on the outside as well.
This is why those people with a healthy inner beauty almost always glow
and are pleasing to be around.
How to cultivate beautiful personal growth
If, like me, you struggle with feeling beautiful at times, try some of
these ideas...
*Love yourself
You simply cannot come close to feeling or being beautiful unless you
love yourself. Get into the habit of telling yourself, "I love you"
throughout the day. If this seems difficult, say it anyway. Keep
telling yourself, "I love you" until you can start to believe and feel
it. Know that you deserve to be loved and who better to love you, than
you!
*Build your self esteem
A low sense of self esteem usually accompanies feeling unattractive or
ugly. Make it your goal to find things that you appreciate about
yourself each and every day. It doesn't matter how seemingly
insignificant this thing you can appreciate about yourself is. It can
make a positive difference. Continue to be on the lookout for
aspects and attributes about you that can feel good about.
*Keep your dreams alive
Nothing stokes inner beauty and glow more than maintaining your visions
for the future. What do you feel excited about? No matter how "pie in
the sky" your dreams seem to be, keep them alive in your heart. Stay
open to opportunities that might point you toward actually achieving
them.
*Let yourself be inspired
Release your comparing and judging habits. When you see a beautiful
person, take a deep breath, notice if you feel inferior or ugly by
comparison. Next, look at this person again. What is that about him or
her that inspires you? In what ways does this person's beauty show?
Learn from the examples of beauty that stir you. Remind yourself that
you have the capacity to be beautiful too. Give yourself permission to
shine in your own unique way, just as this person is doing.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and personal
growth adventurer.
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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and
authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their
FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating
more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message
to mailto:collins@aweber.com
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com
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