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Life Doesn't Have to Be a Wrestling Match
By Amy Phillips-Gary

My family and I live with a 100+ lbs. St. Bernard dog named Ella. For anyone who has lived with a dog or even watched other people with dogs, you probably know that dog "training" or getting your dog to listen to you and do what you ask is not always as easy as you might think.

With Ella, we've chosen to follow the techniques of the amazing "Dog Whisperer," Cesar Millan. According to Millan, it all comes down to energy when interacting with your canine. Your expectations about yourself, your dog and your surroundings has everything to do with how well (or not) your dog follows you and does what you want him or her to do.

Even though we watch the "Dog Whisperer's" show and dvds, I still haven't quite got it down. Ella will walk calmly and eagerly beside me as we make our thrice daily treks through our neighborhood-- except when there's a squirrel, cat, another dog, or even a blowing leaf in her field of vision. At that point, if I'm not paying close enough attention, I get jerked (a few times off my feet) and then the "battle" begins.

In this near-primal state, Ella single-mindedly wants-- no, needs-- to get at that other critter (or blowing leaf). At times like this, neighbors often witness me resorting to one of Cesar Millan's techniques: "the pose" in which the dog is laid on its side on the floor or ground.

This does not hurt the dog and actually is a very similar pose that Ella chooses when she flops out on the floor to nap. Not only does "the pose" communicate to Ella that I am the pack leader, it also encourages her to shift her attention way from the critter she's so excited about and to chill out and relax.

Getting Ella in "the pose" when she's in that heightened near-primal state, however, usually requires me to adopt a modified football manuever. I will literally tackle her and wrestle her to the ground. I'm sure this is quite amusing to watch! Given her size, it is sometimes the only way to break her wild concentration and re-focus on me as leader. It is not so much a show of force, but an interruption to instinctual-- yet undesirable-- behaviors.

Your Life as an Out of Control Dog....
Believe it or not, these "Dog Whisperer"- inspired musings actually relate to you and not a dog at all. How many times do you feel like you have to tackle and wrestle your own life to the ground?

When the conditions of my life feel so big and out of control, I often tense up and symbolically tackle. Sometimes it's as if I believe that the only way I can succeed and come away from a situation with a semblance of what I want is to act like a football player-- or someone putting an out of control dog in "the pose."

This response is understandable. After all, many of us tend to meet intensity with intensity. If you unexpectedly lose your job, for example, you might react by lashing out at your employer, the economy, even yourself. You find yourself doing just about anything to feel less powerless in the face of scary or overwhelming circumstances.

What you might find is that when you wrestle life to the ground, it usually doesn't lead to the results you were looking for. A tense and tackling manner of dealing with life almost always attracts to you more tension and situations in which you feel like you have to tackle life all over again.

It's all about energy and expectation.
As I said above, a cornerstone of Cesar Millan's philosophy is to adopt a calm assertive energy with a dog. When Cesar puts a dog in "the pose," he is not coming from a place of anger. Instead, he calmly re-directs and adds his sure and confident attitude that the dog will listen and respect his leadership.

I must admit, that many times when I put Ella in "the pose," I am most definitely not in a calm assertive place. This is why it feels like tackling and wrestling!

When you begin to notice that your life feels like one big wrestling match, you probably also notice that you feel exhausted and drained much of the time. If so, it's time to step back and learn how to relax yourself when you get triggered or feel overwhelmed and powerless.

Meditation is a wonderful tool to train yourself to relax and move toward ease. Simply remembering to breathe deeply and from your core is another effective way to release tension.

You might also take a look at the expectations you have about your life. Many of us were brought up believing that life is hard work and meant to be a struggle. If you
discover you hold such beliefs, ask yourself if this is the kind of life you really want.

No matter how out of your control your life feels at various times-- or maybe overall-- YOU are in charge of how you feel and the direction you point yourself. You get to choose whether you greet the conditions of your life with a tackle, wrestling them to the ground or with a sense of ease and knowing that you deserve to live the life of your dreams.

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Amy Phillips-Gary is a writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.

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