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Self
Esteem Articles
Self Esteem Starter
Advice
By Amy Phillips-Gary
You might remember the recurring skit in the 1990s on the television
comedy show, Saturday Night Live, that featured the character Stuart
Smalley. In this parody of 12-step and self help programs, Stuart
Smalley usually stands in front of a mirror and, gazing at his own
reflection, attempts to bolster himself and his obviously lagging self
esteem with affirmations.
It's no laughing matter when you feel inadequate, ineffective and
downright inferior.
Often, we adults associate things like low self esteem with shy and
insecure teenagers. This assumption glosses over the fact that many many
adults continue to struggle with a lacking sense of self worth.
Low self esteem can stand in the way of you having the relationship with
others that you want, the job or career that you desire and the ability
to live the life you crave.
Owning the fact that you have low self esteem is a vital first step.
Acknowledge that you have a habit of cutting yourself down and limiting
yourself-- even when a part of you wants to step out and try new things.
There are many ways that you can improve self esteem and also start
improving your life.
Here are just a few....
Acknowledge old beliefs that don't serve you anymore.
Rather than criticize yourself even more for having developed a low self
esteem, shift your perspective. Recognize the old beliefs that seem to
be obstacles to you. Become clear about when these old beliefs tend to
crop up and go within to learn more about where they might come from.
For example, Maybe you would like to be in a passionate love
relationship but you don't feel worthy of one and it doesn't seem like
it will ever happen to you. Pay close attention to the beliefs and
habitual actions that come up when you are in situations that pertain to
dating or meeting potential relationship partners.
Do you tend to shrink back into the crowd? Is it your habit to hide or
downplay your strengths or positive aspects when talking with others?
It is really important that you start to see what you usually do (think
and believe) that could be standing in your way and continuing to fuel
low self esteem at the same time.
As you acknowledge these habitual ways of being, thinking and doing, see
if you can appreciate that at one point in your life these behaviors
might have served you in some way. From this gentler and clearer
knowing, you can choose how you would like to be different.
Get in touch with your body.
In the majority of cases, people spend most of their time in their
heads. So many of us walk around as if we don't have bodies attached
from the neck down.
As with those old limiting beliefs and behaviors, this disconnection
from our bodies might have served us at one time in our past. As a
child, for some reason it might not have felt safe to fully inhabit your
body.
But in order to improve self esteem, you need a full range of
information from the full you-- not just your head.
When you get in touch with your body, you will undoubtedly notice
sensations and be able to hear needs that you might not have known about
before. This might be a painful experience at times, but the sense of
connectedness and the opportunity to expand is worth it.
Stop "cutting yourself off" from the complete you and begin to
re-connect with your body and yourself on a deeper, fuller level.
Techniques such as breathwork and embodied leadership training can
specifically help you with this. Meditation, yoga and certain martial
arts such as Aikido can also assist you in re-learning how to touch in
with your body and integrate yourself more wholly.
Be courageous.
I know, acknowledging your low self esteem habit and facing up to the
fact that you have disconnected from your body-- and your core self
too-- can be difficult, uncomfortable and painful. You have probably
become accustomed to your lacking sense of self worth. You might worry
about what your life will be like if you make such a big change.
I encourage you to be courageous and continue to discover the thoughts
and beliefs that you have held onto. Explore the ways in which you limit
yourself and pay attention to the way that you feel when you do. Take
steps to question and release those thoughts and beliefs.
Ask yourself if you're willing to try a new way of living.
If so, embark on this adventure with a brave heart and a sense of
openness. When you do shift a self-critical thought or tune into your
body to notice how you are feeling inside, congratulate yourself. You
are on your way to improved self esteem!
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, a homeschool mom and a personal
growth adventurer.
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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and
authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their
FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating
more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message
to mailto:collins@aweber.com
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com
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