Self Esteem Articles
 

Honoring the Self as a Step to Boosting Self-Esteem
By Amy Phillips-Gary

Here in the U.S., we recently celebrated Mother's Day. On this May day, families all over the country made time to honor the mothers among them. For all the labor, nurturing and supporting various women do, they are commended and uplifted on this holiday.

As I enjoyed being treated to a special breakfast, homemade cards and flowers on Mother's Day, I began to wonder how many of us honor ourselves every day of the year.

What does it mean to honor yourself? How can honoring the self help strengthen self-esteem?

It's one thing to allow those close to you to pay special tribute to you on a specified day such as Mother's Day, Father's Day or your birthday for example. But, for me, the thought of bestowing upon myself distinction and appreciation as a regular habit stirs hesitation and resistance.

After all, I don't want to self-absorbed or egotistical!

Obstacles to boosting your self-esteem.
This is the block experienced by many who might want to improve their self-esteem. We don't regularly honor ourselves, in part, because it seems somehow self-centered and even narcissistic.

Perhaps we've seen celebrities or even other "regular" folks, who appear to strut about and never take notice of those around them. People who are openly proud of who they are frequently get labeled as vain or self-absorbed.

One website lists their picks for the Top 10 Egotistical Celebrities with the subtitle "They just love themselves."

It makes me question what is so horribly wrong about loving yourself?! As you might already know, when you don't love yourself or acknowledge your worth and value, your sense of self-esteem absolutely plummets.

And with a low self-esteem, it is difficult to live the life you want.

Being hired for the job or given the promotion you really want is more challenging when you don't value yourself. Attracting a partner and maintaining a connected love relationship without a positive sense of self is also usually a challenge.

To regale your own self as a stellar human being who contributes wonderfully to the world is a pretty powerful thing to assert.

You might have been given the message from a very early age that you are nothing special or that you always fall short of the mark. It may not have been the intention of those around you to convey such a message, but that's what might have come through.

Even if you have heard loving, esteem-boosting words from others, it is essential that you feel it from within.

The fact of the matter is that if you don't believe in yourself, nobody else can either. As much as your friends and family want to support you and help you to feel better
about yourself, if you don't buy into the truth that you are worthy and valuable, their words will not be received.

Notice your strengths.
After you've made a shift and given yourself permission to honor you, improving your self-esteem might still seem challenging. If so, start out by giving yourself some homework.

Make it your job to notice your own strengths.

Try to step back from yourself and take the position of the observer. And I'm not talking about an observer who is critical! Think of a benevolent observer who loves you completely and with no strings or conditions attached.

Each and every day, notice at least 1 thing about yourself that you consider to be worthwhile and valuable. It might be the kindness you showed to a stranger by holding open a door. It could be the way that you love and care for your pet.

It's ok if some of the strengths that you are noticing about yourself pertain to your job or some other activity.  But be sure to dig deep in your observing.

See if you can discover aspects about you that have nothing to do with what you do.

This might also mean that you notice the improvements you are making in your life. It could be that you used to look in the mirror and cringe or only think of negative pronouncements about the reflection you see.

Now, you are less likely to cringe or criticize what you see. Perhaps you aren't in a place where you fully accept and appreciate how you look right now, but you are pointed in that direction.

Give yourself credit for that improvement!

Embrace and honor YOU for who you are.
As you get into the habit of noticing your strengths, follow up by allowing yourself to revel in that noticing.  It is kind of like dipping your toe in the water of a beautiful hot spring.

Dipping in your toe is a great start. This is the observing you've been practicing.

You can start to ease more fully into the feelings evoked by this noticing and really soak into them. Immerse yourself in loving and appreciating you for who you are. 

As you begin to honor and embrace yourself, you might only be able to extend those self-valuing feelings to parts of who you are. Again, notice the improvements and allow yourself to expand from there.

Boosting your self-esteem can happen in a series of self-honoring steps. As you choose to take each step, let yourself really feel into the aftereffects.

You'll probably find that this honoring thing feels pretty good!
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and
personal growth adventurer.

 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com 

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