Self Esteem Articles
 

Loving Yourself "As Is"
By Amy Phillips-Gary

We've all got flaws. It's part of the human condition
after all-- or so we're told. At the same time, many of us
walk around desperately wishing to be free of those flaws
and, finally, to attain some manner of perfection. And
many of the same ones of us also desperately wish to love
ourselves-- "as is." We all want to be loved and
unconditional love is integral to reveling in and being
able to share that powerful emotion.

The weaknesses, inappropriate parts, or embarrassing
traits that you see in yourself may make up the biggest
part of your self-view. In fact, you might believe it is
your "job" to ferret out your own flaws, address them and
develop better ways of living and being.

The fact of the matter is, with this imperfect and "less
than" approach to yourself, that self-imposed job will
never end. You'll forever be trying to make up for or fix
the things about you that appear to be inadequate or even
damaging.

Have you ever been in the clearance area of a furniture
store? These clearance items might be old floor models,
have slight dents, or even discolorations. They might also
be pieces of furniture that just didn't sell and store
floorspace is needed. When you make a purchase from the
clearance area there may be an "as is" tag on the item
indicating that the store is not responsible-- nor will
take returns-- for imperfections. But if the sofa with
the tiny scratch on the leg that you buy "as is" is just
what you've been looking for, you probably don't mind. In
fact, you may feel like you scored a great deal!

Why can't we adopt a similar attitude towards our own
selves? If we could only learn to love ourselves as we
are, where we are at the moment, we may feel as wonderful--
even better--- than finding that choice sofa in clearance.

Place your attention on what's working.
Believe it or not, we all choose where to place our
attentions. Of course there can be distractions, but with
all of the stimuli in our environments at any one time, how
could we not choose to focus in on specific things while
allowing others to fade to the background?

With that sofa you bought "as is," you can choose to hone
in on (and be bothered by) that scratch on the leg.
Perhaps you even have to be lying on the floor to see the
scratch, but if you decide to focus on it, you will.
Conversely, you can choose to allow your knowledge of the
scratch to be minor compared to the enjoyment you get looking
at the sofa's design, soft feel, and the way that it
complements your other furniture.

It can be just the same with you and your habits,
tendencies, and traits. Make a conscious decision to place
your attention on what you like about yourself. It could
be that you acknowledge your big heart and generosity when
it comes to your friends and family. Yes, you might have
other habits that you don't feel as proud of, but-- even
for a few moments-- celebrate what you think is working
well about you.

"But isn't this vanity or arrogance?" you might be
wondering. If you are only able to see and talk about your
own wondrousness then perhaps you are missing the greatness
in others. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with
celebrating what you love about you. In fact, if you
don't, you probably aren't as able to appreciate all there
is to love about others.

Love yourself "because of"...
As you begin to focus more and more on what's working
about who, what and where you are, you might expand this
self-love practice. You could shift from a place of "I
love myself in spite of..." (fill in the blank with the
habit or tendency you don't like) to "I love myself because
of..." (fill in with the same).

See if you can begin to love yourself "because of" those
aspects that aren't as pleasing to you. For example, you
are getting better at acknowledging your generosity with
friends and family but still cringe when reminded of how
impulsive you are when it comes to money. Perhaps you've
incurred debt because of this habit that you have labeled
irresponsible and harmful.

Even as you set an intention to slow down and be more
mindful of how you use money, you can actually include this
tendency in the reasons why you love yourself. You can
choose to acknowledge the flip side aspect of your money
habits by seeing how excited you get to try something new
as well as your willingness to expand when it comes to
products and experiences. It is possible to honor the
potential benefits to every part of you even if you are
moving toward making changes or acting differently.

When you love yourself "as is" you open up the door to
possibilities. Give it a try! Satisfaction guaranteed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and
personal growth adventurer.

 

===============================================
Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com 

===============================================