Self Improvement Article


 

Mirror, Mirror In My Life... How You Can Expand Toward Wholeness and Joy Thanks to Even Your Biggest Irritations

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Look in the mirror on the wall or your bathroom cabinet and what do you see? Well, of course you see a reflected image of yourself. Just about everyone knows and experiences this.
Some of us like what we see and others among us cringe at the face staring back.

Did you know that you could choose to see every single person and situation in your life as a big, ever-changing mirror? As a result, you can actually move closer and closer to the you you've always wanted to be.

If this sounds crazy or extreme....hear me out.

Especially when you feel uncomfortable, irritated or even enraged by a person who comes into your experience, you are being presented with a mirror.

Me and My Shadow
Some people call the mirrors in your life a reflection of your "shadow" side. That friend of yours who is fearful of disease is merely showing you the fears that you might also have about your physical well-being.

You might not even be aware that you share these fears; you try to stay positive after all. But the aversion you notice within yourself to your friend's preoccupation with his or her "declining" health could be an indicator of similar beliefs or emotions that you tend to keep buried.

Perhaps most famously, theorist Carl Jung developed a series of archetypes which include the "shadow." In very simple terms, Jung proposed that humans project onto others those aspects of ourselves that we do not want to admit to
or acknowledge.

This "shadow" side which, according to Jung, we put off onto others, comprises the greediness, vanity, ineptness, unappealing, and even evil potentialities that we possibly know we are capable of ourselves and that we dislike or even fear.

If this is the case, why would any of us want to consider the possibility that those who annoy and offend us are really reflecting back parts of who we are or could be?

As painful as it might be to recognize a mirror in the undesirable behavior of another person, you can more easily identify and make changes when you see and own those same tendencies.

The shadow is a powerful teacher-- a valuable resource when it comes to personal growth.

While I honor and respect the theoretical contributions made by Jung, I don't think we need to relegate the mirror imagings in our lives to being just "shadows."

Yes, it is possible that we all are just as capable of great acts of hatred and hurt as we are of fantastic feats of love and kindness.

At the same time, I think it is possible and detrimental to get caught up in a dichotomous "good/bad" "self/shadow" view of human nature. You can lose the wonderful lessons being offered to you when you become entrenched in such a
mind trap.

How might these mirror messages be different if we set aside the dichotomous judgments and labels?

Mirror Messages
You can grow and expand when you start to pay closer attention to what those who come into your life show you.  This growth can be even more expansive when you release the urge to categorize the reflection as "good or bad."

When you are faced with someone who is rude or ungrateful, for example, you can actually turn the whole experience around and end up being one who responds with more grace and kindness.

But these shifts and this expansion cannot happen easily, or at all, if all you do is dismiss the mirror as "not you" and as "bad."

You can look at a person who is treating others in a way that you find offensive and see it as a mirror. It could be that you'd never ever treat another person the way the "rude"one is, but perhaps some of the thoughts you have (and don't like to admit to) are not that different than what you are witnessing in this mirror image.

At this point you can focus your attention on labeling this person as "rude" or even notice that you do harbor similar tendencies and then label yourself as "just as
bad."

Neither of these reactions will allow you to move closer to what you want-- which is to feel better and be the person you want to be.

On the other hand, you can notice that you do not like the behavior being shown to you in this mirror. You can recognize that you also have the capacity to treat others
in this way-- perhaps you have actually done so in the past.

You can also affirm to yourself that your choice is to be more patient, mindful and considerate of others in the future.

As you recognize what you don't prefer, you can become clearer about what you do prefer. Then you can consciously act more in accordance with that preferred manner.

This is all thanks to your mirror message!

Appreciate and Embrace the Mirrors in Your Life
Not only can you learn valuable lessons from the mirrors in your life, you can actually deepen your appreciation for life itself as a result.

Just as you see that you can make shifts and changes that are more in alignment with what you want, know that those people you are observing (and possibly feeling annoyed by) can also do this.

We all have the capacity to be the best we can be.

Be sure to notice that it's not just the so-called shadows that are being shown to you in mirrors. You are probably presented with many, many inspiring examples each and every day.

When you see a person act heroically or with kindness and tenderness, know that this is a mirror of your own ability to be a hero and a kind and tender person.

Even those mirrors in your life that seem starkly contrasted to what you want for yourself can contain within them kernels of inspiration. From a place of openness and appreciation you can detect and highlight those kernels.

When it comes down to it, we are all one. As your friend, family member, acquaintance or even stranger on the street shows you what you want or don't want to see, you are being given a precious opportunity to look deeper at your own self.

You are being shown what is possible and what is possibly present within. From that place of clearer vision and knowing, your mirror can help you to decide your next step and focus.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.





 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
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