Self Improvement Article


 

3 Ways to Stop Resisting Change and Start Going with the
Flow of the Incredible Life You Desire
By Amy Phillips-Gary

Change is inevitable.

Time passes. We get older. Our children grow up and eventually become adults. People we love pass on from this life and new people emerge through birth for us to adore and care for.

In our day-to-day lives changes are happening too-- on mundane levels as well as those more radical.

We finish one project at work and move on to another one.  At home, we complete a chore and move down the 'to do' list to the next item.

Or perhaps a decision is made to go back to school and gear up for a career change. Maybe the realization hits that this current love relationship or marriage isn't working and calls are made to arrange counseling or even legal advice about divorce.

Change happens all of the time, every single day of each of our lives.

No matter how boring and predictable we think our lives are, we-- along with everyone else-- are in constant flux.

So why do so many of us fall apart in the face of change?

Buddhist and Hindu teachings speak of the impermanence that is life. All of the way down to the cellular level, everything is fluid and in motion.

In very simplified terms, according to Buddhist traditions, making peace with
impermanence is the way to stop suffering and move closer to enlightenment.

The Taunt of Powerlessness
I tend to get bored easily, so one might assume that I thrive on change. Not so.

I have a habit of becoming nervous, fearful and even controlling when changes are
afoot in my life.

There is something about change that feels utterly out of my control-- and, frankly, it is to some degree.

I cannot single-handedly make the economy improve. I am unable to take on and alter inclement weather when I have outdoor plans. And as much as I'd like to, I simply can't make other people in my life say or do things exactly as I'd like them to.

Changes taunt us with this allusion of powerlessness.  There are so many examples seemingly flaunted in our faces of our ineffectualness.

I think that this is one reason why change has been so difficult for me in the past. I am reminded of not only my mortality, but also how small and insignificant I am.

I don't mean this as a put-down. Every single one of us is truly very small and insignificant.

At the same time, I believe we are all inter-linked and extensions of an over-arching whole-- Source Energy or God. We are all-powerful and amazing beings even as we are tiny little specks in an immense Universe.

The power comes when we realize that we get to choose how to be in any particular moment or situation. We each have absolute control over how we act, react and respond to anything that comes up.

Whether or not we stand tall and confidently move forward toward what we want in life or crumple to the ground and stay in a defensive posture is totally up to each of us.

We can be directed and in charge of our lives while, at the same time, we also let go and allow for the flow which includes the unexpected.

The Stifling Allure of Comfort
Sometimes it's not so much the taunt of powerlessness that causes us to freak out in the face of change. Instead, it's the false comfort of what we've always known and done.

As much as a habit or tendency hurts you or the ones you love, you might stubbornly cling to that way of being simply because it's what you know.

The idiom that the "devil you know" is preferable to the one you don't holds true here.

Too often, we stay in jobs, relationships or situations in which we are not thriving (or worse) only because we are terrified that we can't come up with anything better.

And who can blame any of us?

You look around and admit that, yes, you are unhappy and dissatisfied. But there is a dark, blank unknowable quality to the alternatives you might dare to consider.

There is a certain comfort in being miserable where we are-- and so we tend to stay there.

And this stands in the way of change and also adds to our misery as changes inevitably occur within and around us.

Stay Present
Being in the present moment is one way to stop resisting change and begin to flow with it toward what you want. Staying in the now is advice many of us have heard time and time again.

But have you ever really practiced it?

When you notice yourself anxious, worried or depressed about changes going on (or not seeming to happen) in your life, ask yourself if you are present. Too often, I
project myself into some future place of my fears when I am faced with the unknown.

It's as if my worrier self creates a scenario from limiting beliefs where that blank space of change is.

Instead, I could notice what I am doing and consciously bring myself back to the present. I can look at where I am and what's going on right now.

I can choose not to plan or cast ahead too far into the future when I get to a point that seems overwhelming and I start to feel powerless.

I can remind myself of the decisions I can make right here and right now. And I can release my anxiety about all of the rest.

Stay Focused
While I highly recommend staying in the present moment, I also encourage keeping yourself focused on a vision for what you ultimately want.

When faced with a change, keep your attention on the outcome or experience you'd like to have. Again, this requires you to open up to being both insignificant and all-powerful at the same time.

You can be where you are, making decisions in the here and now. And you can also maintain a vision for what you'd like to encounter next.

Keeping yourself focused on what you want can help you let go of those fears and beliefs that contribute to resistance.

After all, if you are charged up and excited about your vision and you continue to make choices that keep you lined up with that vision, it's less likely that you will drag your heels or short-circuit your own efforts.

Stand Behind Your Choices
So many of us get going toward a goal or path in life and then encounter some obstacle (often a n unexpected change) which seems to throw us totally off-course.

We might then feel insecure about the grand vision we had. The excitement is shattered and we often feel lost and, yet again, powerless and ineffectual.

When this happens, it's time to regroup, check in with yourself and decide what you want to do next. Continue to stay present and focused-- and make sure you stand behind your choices.

No matter how much of a mistake you think you've made, stand tall and confident and have the courage to get back on the path you were on or turn toward a new one.

It is essential that you find a way to appreciate and honor yourself for all of the choices you've made-- even those you might not feel proud of.

Those choices have brought you to where you are today and you can most
effectively build upon them if you are doing so with dignity rather than embarrassment or insecurity.

Yes, change happens.

And isn't it wonderful that no matter what the moment or situation is like, it can always get better!
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.





 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
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