Self Improvement Article

"Question It: A Move from Imbalance to Balance"
by Virginia Macali

Do you feel like a stranger to yourself? 

Do life's demands feel overwhelming?

Do you have health concerns? 

Are parts of your life being compromised? 

Do you want more time to enjoy life?

This sense of being out of balance has become a given in today's world that we don't even question it. James Flaherty, author of Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others, provides insights on the stories that keep us from living in a balanced way. When we catch on to the story that limits us, we can question it, create new possibilities, and find the way to balance.

Our Stories:

1. I like it.

This story is "Hey---I enjoy what I'm doing." (this area of work, this busyness, this project). Our effectiveness declines, we lose contact with friends and family and we don't understand the deeper meaning of life. We say "I like to do these things, therefore, I must do them."

2. I am good at it. 

This story locks us into taking actions based on our competency. It denies the part in us that is curious, creative enjoys the new and wants to experiment. We say "I have the education and years of experience that makes me great at this work, therefore, I must do it."

3. People count on me.

This story is prevalent in socially-oriented people who see their importance in light of how much we are counted on by others and seen in a positive light. We are often on many committees, are involved in many social events, advisory boards and volunteer activities. We say "People need me, therefore, I have to do these things to help them.." We complain about working or doing too much while being proud of it. 

4. It's just for now.

This story keeps us stuck. We say "I know I'm working like crazy, but it's just for now." We tell ourselves that it is a temporary situation. The temporary situation can last month, years or a lifetime. We may postpone happiness, relaxation and intimacy until our next vacation or retirement or forever.

What Doesn't Work

Getting even more efficient, taking on more or working harder does not work. This strategy usually backfires and makes the situation even worse. Taking on more projects because they are interesting or volunteering for another committee or working longer hours does not result in more balance. It increases pressure and dissatisfaction.

The Way Out

The way out of this dilemma is to question and understand your stories and actions. 

Step 1. Ask Potent Questions for Reflective Action

How do you create this busy, overwhelming, unfulfilling life over and over?
What can you let go?
Where do you find fulfillment?

Step 2. Gather Evidence 

Take note of every activity you do over the course of a week and how you felt while you were doing it. What triggered this activity? What did you avoid by doing this activity?

Step 3. Take a Potent Action

At the end of the week, decide what action you will take based on this your observations. 
You may choose to say no to some requests, eliminate some meetings, change your morning routine or take up something that you used to enjoy doing. 

Step 4 Get Support

Work with a colleague, friend or coach to help you initiate new actions and integrate them into your life in a way that promotes balance, effectiveness and fulfillment. 

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Virginia Macali is a Certified Integral Coach who brings a passionate commitment to the development of each of her clients. Virginia is a lawyer who holds a master's degree in counseling and has worked with a variety of people in both personal and professional contexts. This includes government, business, education and non-profit organizations, as well as people who are in transition, seeking greater clarity and meaning. For more potent questions, subscribe to the free Question of the Week at www.macali.com.

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