Positive Planet Articles

 

Say "Yes" Even When Your Head Shouts "No!"
By Amy Phillips-Gary

Are you a "yes" person? Or do you predominantly say "no"
to the questions, invitations and situations that present
themselves to you? When you step back and observe how you
tend to greet the moments that come up in your life, you
might just be surprised. What would happen if you
intentionally said "yes" more often? How would your life
be different?

In the movie "Yes Man," the main character Carl is a
pretty routine guy who just isn't happy. His job, friends,
activities and outlook on life appear quite dull and
unsatisfying-- even to him. He almost always goes out of
his way to avoid friends and interacting much at all with
others as he slogs his way through his day-to-day
existence. After a disturbing dream, Carl attends a self-
help talk and makes a covenant with himself to only say
"yes"-- to literally everything that comes before him.

As you might imagine, Carl's transformation into a "yes
man" is filled with quite a few comedic moments and
mishaps, but these mishaps almost always allow Carl to open
up to improvements. New, better adventures start happening
for Carl in the form of a romantic relationship, job
promotion, travel and just plain having more fun.

Can you believe that it was all because Carl started "yes"
even when his so-called better judgment told him "no?" This
can be the tricky part to saying "yes" more often. If you
were to make a covenant, or promise, similar to that made
by Carl, you might notice yourself resisting saying "yes"
to certain situations. Your head is screaming out "no"
because "yes" feels too foreign, too risky, too vulnerable,
too messy, too impractical, too unlikely, too crazy....

Perhaps you just cleaned the house and your daughter wants
to get out the paint and create some art with you and you
immediately re-direct her toward a quiet (and tidy) book.
Or maybe you long to apply for a job that sounds more
satisfying than what you currently do but you hesitate
because it seems too risky-- especially in this job market.
You're sitting next to another single (and attractive) co-
worker in the office lounge. You'd love to get to know
this person better and maybe even go on a date but you keep
your eyes glued to your coffee thinking, "This great-
looking person wouldn't want to waste time on me."

Whatever it is that knee-jerk reacts with a "no" to
opportunities that present themselves to you essentially
limits and boxes you in to the life you are living right
now. Perhaps you like your life as it is and perhaps you
don't. But when you stifle your natural inclination to
expand and grow it is difficult, if not impossible, to
thrive and be happy.

Greet life with a heart-felt "yes"
When you come upon a situation and you notice yourself on
the verge of saying "no," stop right there! Try to
distinguish between the reactions that are coming from the
thoughts and stories you tell yourself and the guidance
that derives from a deeper place-- your heart and what some
call the gut. This may require you to set aside fears or
beliefs about how you think you (or others) should be.
Stick with it until you get to a place of connecting in
with your heart. If there's a "yes" coming from that place
of inner guidance, go for it!

When your daughter wants to paint or engage in some other
mess-involved activity, try asking yourself "why not?"
Perhaps your daughter would be willing to help clean up
after you two paint together. It could also be that you
can spread out some old sheets or a drop cloth-- or even
paint outside. When you open the door to "why not" and
"yes," you can usually see options and possibilities that
weren't evident before. It might also be that the
connection, creativity and fun of painting with your
daughter feel so rewarding to you that picking up and
wiping off don't seem like a chore after all.

"No" can also be powerful and life-affirming.
When your responses to life's opportunities come from the
heart, sometimes "no" is just as freeing and expansive as
is "yes." There are times when recognizing that a
relationship pattern, habit, job, or belief just isn't
working for you anymore. Saying "no" to the displeasing
situation and then turning yourself in a different
direction can be a powerful act.

In "Yes Man," Carl misunderstood the promise he made to
himself. He actually thought that "no" was a forbidden
word and would bring about bad luck. What he came to
realize is that a mindfully-given "no" was just as
transformational as a heart-felt "yes."

This is perhaps most apparent in abusive relationships.
When one person digs deep inside him or herself and says
"no" to the hurt and disrespect going on in the
relationship, that person is acknowledging that he or she
is worth being loved and treated with care and kindness.
Saying "no" to abuse-- or whatever it is that does not
serve you-- can be followed by a shift in a new direction
that is in alignment with what you desire.

Whether or not you say "yes" or "no" is perhaps less
important. It is the emotion that powers your response
that is worth paying attention to. When you feel
invigorated, vital and alive in the words you say, actions
you take and approach you choose to each moment, you are
saying "yes." So keep saying "yes" from your heart and
lavish in the aftereffects!
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and
personal growth adventurer.





 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
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