Positive Planet Articles

 

Appreciation Tips-- Even When It's Hard To Do
By Amy Phillips-Gary

I'm hearing many people talking about appreciation lately. After all, Thanksgiving is the quintessential time for gratitude (in addition to football and eating a huge meal).

And you have possibly been given the message that appreciating what you have is something that you "should" do.

But what if you look around at yourself and your life and what you feel isn't even close to appreciation?

There are a lot of people going through a lot of tough stuff lately. It may be your health or your body size; it could be your financial situation and/or job prospects; it could be the discontented and conflict-ridden relationships that you're in at the moment.

The fact of the matter is, appreciation isn't always easy and it doesn't always come naturally.

I'm not here to list off all of the reasons why you need to find ways to be appreciative. You simply can't force something like gratitude.

What I will do is to offer you some tips for shifting out of the stuck and dissatisfied way that you feel right now. In the process of making a shift, you will more than likely find yourself closer to being able to appreciate than you were before.

And when you're in a low and unhappy place, moving closer to where you want to be can be a huge step.

Get rid of the "shoulds."
Especially at this time of year, there's a lot of guilt floating about. You were probably taught to be grateful for what you have because so many other people don't have enough.

It is certainly the case that your and my standard of living are most likely quite abundant compared to that of many other people with whom we share this planet.

But guilt-induced appreciation just doesn't work.

If you feel inspired to donate money, time or other resources to help another person, by all means do so.  I urge you, however, to separate out your desire to cultivate appreciation with anybody else's situation.

Release all of those "You should be grateful" messages that might be rattling through your brain. Free up space so that you can more fully experience your life and potentially allow genuine appreciation for it to bubble up from within.

Give credit to the "little things."
In addition to the guilt, our ability to appreciate can also be hampered by the way we tend to assess ourselves and our lives.

We often look at the "big things" such as the level of education we've reached, the job we hold, how much money we make, whether or not we have a family of our own, etc. Our dissatisfaction-- or even feelings of failure-- in one or more of these areas can overshadow the rest of what's going on.

For example, perhaps you thought that you'd own your home by this age and, instead, you rent. You might even live in the home of a family member. It could be that you always associated success with owning a home.

Your feelings about this one aspect of your current experience can become so inflated that it literally blocks out other aspects that you might not feel so embarrassed or disappointed by.

Expand your view!

When you cannot find much to feel grateful for, notice how wide or narrow your perspective may be. Are you giving credit to the things that seem "little" or insignificant to you?

Start out very small if you are having a tough time appreciating.

Tune in to the pleasing tastes of your lunch. Listen to the gentle breeze in the trees. Feel the sun on your cheek. Watch your dog or cat play.

These things are actually quite significant and you can generate a huge amount of appreciation when you re-consider these "little things" that are in your life and within you.

What about the annoyances?
Perhaps you are finding greater ease when it comes to appreciation now. You still might be wondering how on Earth you are supposed to be grateful for all of those people and things that irritate and annoy you!

First of all, I'm going to re-emphasize the earlier point that you can't force yourself to appreciate what annoys you just because you think you "should."

When you meet up with a person or condition in your life that seems to be standing in the way of you appreciating, try the widening your perspective strategy. It can be helpful to get yourself into an appreciative feeling state before you attempt a shift with this specific irritant.

Once you are in a place in which you feel appreciation for other things in your life, gently bring your attention back to the person or condition that you are finding annoying.

Acknowledge the feelings that might come up when you do this. Avoid going off on a tangent or story about why this bugs you as much as it does. Instead, notice if you tense up, for example.

Even as you acknowledge the unpleasant ways you might feel, you can also expand your noticing about that very person or condition that tends to irritate you.

Are there aspects that you possibly didn't notice before that soften your annoyance? It could be that this person has multiple "sides" that you don't usually pay attention to.

What does this situation or person possibly bring out in you that might actually help you to learn and grow?

You don't have to use this person or condition as your excuse to not feel appreciation.

You can be honest about how you feel AND you can widen your gaze.  With this expanded view, you still might not feel glowing and happy about the person or condition.

But you can probably move to a place where the annoyance is less powerful and dominating and it can eventually fade away as other things about your life become your focus.

This is the place where appreciation can take root and grow.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, homeschool mom and a personal growth adventurer.



 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com 

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