Men's Issues and the New Male Article

"The Role of Seduction in Relationships..."

by Susie and Otto Collins

There's a great big lie that has been taught to men in
this society about how to have a successful relationship. 

That lie is this...

In order to get the girl of your dreams and be great at
"relationships", the major pre-requisite is that you
need to master the art of seduction. Men are shown and
told in many ways in our culture that if they do that,
all of their relationship concerns are over. 

The myth is that there is a seducer, there's the person
being seduced, and there's a great deal of excitement
in the chase. 

This is the way we were unconsciously taught to begin
intimate relationships. 

In our opinion, if you want to have a great
relationship, it's not about seduction. 

It's about heart, intimacy and connection. 

The truth is that if you are spending your time trying
to seduce a potential partner into wanting to be with
you, what you have is a "sales pitch" going on-and it's
usually an insincere, false one at that.

If you're trying to play Casanova one night and then
play hard to get the next day, we call that
passive/aggressive behavior and "game-playing" in
relationship coaching and counseling circles. This
behavior only gets you into trouble later when you wake
up and neither of you know who the other is.

If you are spending all (or any) of your time trying
to seduce someone then you are coming from a "lower than" position--not one where two people are coming together as equals. 

If you are trying to seduce someone, you're not being
real. In that moment you're doing whatever is necessary
to win the other person over. 

A relationship that's based on "seducing" a potential
mate may last a night or maybe two, but it won't be
healthy and it won't last the long term. 

In our opinion, it's impossible to have close,
connected, intimate relationships with anyone if the
relationship is based totally on seduction. 

The new male that is emerging is interested in many
things but at the top of that list are connection,
intimacy, being real and partnerships. 

So what are partnerships? The word partnership doesn't
sound as "romantic" as seduction but take our word for
it, it certainly can be if you want it to be!

Partnerships are relationships where two people come
together to grow together. Both partners are equals in
all ways. The couple who commits to a partnership
consciously commits to growing as a couple and also
individually. 

Each knows that the other holds a powerful mirror to see past patterns and is supportive in the healing process. They know that they are together to heal the pain of the past and move into a new love for themselves that spreads to everyone they encounter. 

Because the partners support each other in an non-
judgmental way, safety and trust is the strong foundation 
of the relationship. 

In Gary Zukov's Seat of the Soul, he says,
"Spiritual partners bond with an understanding that
they are together because it is appropriate for their
souls to grow together. They recognize that their
growth may take them to the end of their days in this 
incarnation and beyond, or it may take them to six months. They cannot say that they will be together forever. The duration of their partnership is determined by how long it is appropriate for their evolution to be together."

Tough medicine to swallow but the reason that the
passion and life has been sucked out of so many
relationships we see around us each day is that their
souls are no longer growing together.  Their
relationship was not built on who they really are inside but rather on some false idea of who both people pretend to be.

People often ask us how to create powerful and
passionate relationships and the short answer is
through constant communication, one moment at a time.
Openness and honesty are essential in building safety
and trust which allows you to work toward being the
true essence of who you are. 

There's no place for seduction when you are being true and honest with each other.

When you allow yourself to open totally to the other
person, amazing things begin to happen. You begin to
grow in ways you never thought possible because the
other person is there to support you. You know deep
within you that your partner is your friend and will
help you build on your strengths.

We encourage you to form partnerships instead of
pursuing seductions in all relationships. If you do,
you will find that your life will be filled with joy,
passion, growth, and a great deal of love.

=======================================
Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to
mailto:collins@aweber.com 
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com 

=======================================