Valentine's Day Can Be a Celebration of Love...Even if You Are Single
By Amy Phillips-Gary

It's that time of year again.

Candy hearts and chocolates shaped like rosebuds fill store shelves. Ads on television and the internet tempt us with boxes of chocolates, flower bouquets and jewelry.

It's almost Valentine's Day.

Like other holidays, this one can be triggering and difficult for many people. Even if you have a "sweetheart"-- are in a satisfying relationship-- you might feel pressure to please him or her with the perfect gift or the most romantic gesture.

For those who are single or are in struggling and disconnected relationships, Valentine's Day can feel like a twisted knife in the gut.

Every advertisement and card display is a reminder of a possible experience-- close and passionate love-- that isn't present for that person right now.

Between the pressure, expectations, disappointment and feelings of lack, I wonder how loved this so-called holiday of love truly is?!

I would like us all to re-consider Valentine's Day. I believe that we can get beneath all of the triggers and "stuff" and touch in with the essence of this holiday....LOVE.

You don't have to hate Valentine's Day if you are single or feel alone in the relationship you currently are in. Instead, you can use this day as a reminder.

Remind yourself whose love for you is most important.

The answer, of course, is your own.

This assertion that self-love is absolutely a pre-requisite for a happy and fulfilled life applies not only to single folks.

As you might already know, love between two people cannot thrive unless the individuals involved also feel deep and appreciative love for themselves. Start finding ways to love yourself just a little bit more and allow those feelings to expand to others in your life.

But back to the singles out there...

For some of you, February 14th might feel like a painful reminder of what you don't have in your life right now-- and what you might believe you will never have.

It can be lonely and sad to perceive that you are surrounded by couples in love holding hands and kissing in heart-shaped hot tubs (even if you know the reality for many is not necessarily what's portrayed on tv).

If you would like to feel special, honored, treasured, adored and maybe even swept off your feet-- and you're not, Valentine's Day can seem like a huge kick in the pants.

I encourage you to do whatever you can to turn this whole thing around. Make Valentine's Day something that you can actually enjoy, rather than feel miserable about.

Here are a few ideas...

Treat me right.
The person who can best honor and adore you is you. That might seem flippant and even self-centered, but I believe that this is key.

Again, even people who have close love relationships need to honor and adore themselves.

But particularly if you are alone (or feel alone), it's imperative that you discover ways to love yourself more fully and deeply.

This isn't meant as a substitute for a romantic, connected relationship. It is a way to live more peacefully and enjoyably where you are-- regardless of your relationship status.

What makes you feel special and loved?

If you don't know, brainstorm about it. You might feel silly or indulgent as you do this, but do it anyway.

You can start out simple. How do you think about and "talk" to yourself?

Is it with a lot of love and appreciation or mostly with judgment and criticism?

If you notice yourself engaging in self-hating, self-degrading thinking and labeling, you might use Valentine's Day as the day in which you will stop.

Begin a new habit. Believe it or not, you can more successfully motivate yourself to make changes and improvements in your life by cheering yourself on as you move closer to those goals-- even when the inevitable backslides occur.

Act from those self-loving thoughts.
Get out and do something celebratory for yourself on Valentine's Day.

Find friends who are upbeat and enjoyable to be with and go dancing, see a movie, treat yourselves to a spa visit, get out in nature or whatever feels special and gratifying.

Write yourself a love letter, purchase a goofy or sappy Valentine's Day card, flowers and chocolates and give them to yourself.

This will only work if you are acting from a place of love. If you feel sad or as if you are trying to simulate something a lover would do, you will likely feel worse receiving a card from yourself.

Embrace the notion that you are treating yourself with the love and attention that you deserve.

Envision the relationship of your dreams.
You might also take time on Valentine's Day to formulate the kind of relationship you would like to be in one day.

It may be unclear to you how this specific kind of relationship will actually come into being, but don't worry about that.

Instead, give yourself complete freedom to envision what the relationship of your dreams would look like.

If you find yourself thinking, "That's not realistic" or "That could never happen for me because...", for the time being, set aside those thoughts.

Have fun dreaming up the way that you feel in this desired relationship.

How does your partner treat you? How do you treat him or her? What kinds of activities do you do together? How do you interact with one another?

What an exercise like this is meant to do is to help you broaden and expand. Too many times, we do not allow ourselves to even dream about what we truly want because we harbor beliefs that we can never ever have it.

We essentially close doors to the future relationship and life we want because we are afraid of being disappointed.

And we end up disappointed with the limited reality we've created anyway.

Envision that relationship with no limits and then release it. You might be surprised as aspects of your dreams pop up in real life-- especially if you acknowledge and appreciate them.

The biggest gift you can offer to yourself this Valentine's Day is the gift of love. Whatever form you choose, dive deep and lavish yourself with love, love and more love.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, personal growth coach, homeschool mom and a life adventurer.