Re-Train Yourself to Respond Rather than React to Life's Challenges
By Amy Phillips-Gary

I'm walking my dog down the street. Out of seemingly nowhere, an off-leash dog comes racing around the corner and makes a beeline for my dog and me.

What happens next for me is usually a reaction. I tend to go into a survival mode predominantly feeling fear about this unknown dog who is quickly approaching. I yell at the other dog to go away as I try to keep my dog under control.

I usually experience a high-adrenaline reaction, instead of a conscious response.

What do you tend to do when faced with something unexpected and potentially threatening in your life?

Do you react to what's going on without much consciousness about it? If so, you are not alone.

It is quite natural to flip into a reaction when you are startled or somehow triggered. It might be a stray dog racing toward you, debris in your lane of traffic on the highway or news from a co-worker, friend or family member that shocks and upsets you.

The unexpected happens and many of us flip into a reaction that may even seem unconsciously derived.

The trouble is, we often react in ways that only intensify the situation that already feels out of control, uncomfortable or even disturbing. Often, when we later look back on what happened, we feel regret or may wonder, "What if I'd responded differently?"

Fight or flight?
In times of stress or perceived danger, the adrenaline kicks in and people tend to go into either a fight or a flight mode.

Physiologists note that, just as in the animal world, humans will meet intense and unexpected stresses by either readying themselves to fight (which can include defended-ness, hostility or even aggression) or to flee (which can include literally leaving the scene or dissociating and "spacing out").

For those of us who have experienced abuse or other trauma in the past, the tendency to fight or flee may be easily triggered by situations that do not appear to be stressful or potentially dangerous to others.

What do you tend to do when you are faced with intense stress or perceived threat? Are you a fighter or a flee-er?

Of course, your reaction may vary from one time to another or even change over the course of a particular situation. However, most of us have developed a propensity to most quickly flip into a fight reaction or a flight reaction.

Think back to a recent event that happened in your life that felt to you unexpected or intensely stressful. Do you remember how you reacted to what was happening?

You might have noticed that your heart seemed to pound and you might have experienced rapid breathing accompanied by anxiety or panic.

If you had an urge to get out of the situation at all costs, that was likely a flight reaction. If you have a difficult time remembering what you were thinking or feeling during this stressful event, you may have been having a flight reaction.

However, if your inclination was to fight, you probably stood your ground with a compulsion to drive out or defend yourself against whatever seemed to be coming at you-- the approaching dog, debris in the road or your irate boss.

It is invaluable to recognize whether you tend to fight or flee. As much as you possibly can, try to remember how it felt to have this reaction.

What was the outcome of this situation? Do you think that your reaction was to your benefit (or anyone else's benefit)? Are there different ways that you might have liked to have met this unexpected stress?

Re-train yourself to respond instead of react.
I know with certainty that I'd like to respond instead of react when my dog and I meet up with an oncoming off-leash dog. I understand that, at such a time, my dog needs me to stay present and to be a leader-- no matter whether this other dog is friend or foe.

I cannot be either present or an effective leader for my dog (and myself) when I have a flight reaction.

If you would like to respond to life's stresses more of the time instead of reacting to them, you can practice and re-train yourself.

There is no guarantee that you won't become surprised or triggered. There's nothing wrong, necessarily with these urge reactions.

However, if-- like me-- you'd like to make more conscious decisions while facing challenges, it's worth the time and energy to make a change.

You can start by taking time throughout your day to come back to your center.

I envision my center as approximately where my solar plexus chakra is located-- midway between the navel and the base of the sternum. Others bring attention to their heart area.

Another option, which is called grounding, is to really feel your feet on the ground; focus on the connection that your feet are making with the Earth.

It really doesn't matter exactly where you feel your center to be or whether you prefer to ground yourself instead. What is important to this practice is to figure out what helps you come return to your body and self and then continue to do it.

You will know when you are centered and grounded because you will probably feel clearer, more relaxed and better able to focus on what's going on in the present moment.

Use deep, diaphragmatic breathing to help you center and ground and then to stay in this state. This practice can be used as a meditation as well.

The powerful thing about being centered and grounded more of the time, is that you can almost always make conscious choices about how to respond to what's going on in your life at the moment.

You could set up an experiment for yourself. Make it your goal to center and ground at least 3 times each day for 1 month. As you encounter stressful situations, try to remember to bring yourself back to this calmer, clearer place which should be becoming more familiar to you with practice.

At the end of the month, look back and recognize the differences that you might have experienced.

Even if you still react to certain situations, it's likely that you responded more of the time. Celebrate your growth and expansion!
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, a homeschool mom and a personal growth adventurer.