Letting Go of Pain
by Susie and Otto Collins
There's a song on the Annie Lennox CD "Bare" called
"The Hurting Time" that is a soulful reflection of dealing
with the pain and loss.
The idea of "the hurting time" in this song is that she is
acknowledging and recognizing that the pain has begun.
She is not trying to deny it's there or shove it aside.
She's just allowing the pain to be.
We've realized that pain comes from the struggle of letting
go of something or someone you're attached to that has
changed form.
There's no growth when you stay stuck in your pain. As
long as you are committed to staying stuck in your pain,
it's impossible to move forward to creating the life you
really want.
So how do you move forward from being stuck in pain?
We were really touched by Frank's pain as we read the
email message that he sent to us. Our hearts ached
for him as he described what was going on and how he
was dealing with the pain of his father's recent death.
As we read more of his message, we knew that his plan
to deal with his pain wouldn't work. His strategy was to
"keep himself busy" so he wouldn't have to think about
or feel the loss of his father.
It doesn't matter whether it's the loss of a family member,
being upset that you didn't get a job or promotion, dealing
with a divorce, not being able to take the vacation you
wanted, or the pain of unfulfilled possibilities.
If you "bury" the pain in work, food, drink, buying "things"
or anything else to take your mind off your pain, it will
catch up with you at some point and cause you even more pain.
We have found that going "into" the pain (when it comes
up), without getting stuck, is one way to move forward
into creating what we want in our lives.
Marianne Williamson says that "You can come to the
truth through joy or through pain and the choice is up
to you."
We are saying that if pain has been drawn into your life,
the choice is up to you how you move forward.
So here's what we suggest--
1. Take some time to acknowledge that the pain is there.
Feel it when it comes up, breathe and allow the feeling to
move out of your body. (Try it. It works.)
2. Watch your internal language. Don't make the situation
worse than it is. But do a conscious assessment of what
impact this loss or situation is having on your life.
3. Look at what you want in your life. How do you want
your life to be in one year? in five years? Begin looking
toward what you want rather than what you are missing.
If you'll try these things when pain comes up, they will
dramatically shorten the length of time it takes you to
heal and to begin moving forward once again.
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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and
authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their
FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating
more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message
to mailto:collins@aweber.com
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com
