How to Thrive in the Midst of PMS
By Amy Phillips-Gary

You don't have look far to see portrayals of pre-menstrual women out of control and anguished. Drug manufacturers promise women ease from the physical discomfort and emotional roller coaster they might suffer from PMS-- pre- menstrual syndrome.

Comedy sketches show PMS-driven women devouring entire cakes, smashing furniture and threatening co-workers with battle axes. Whether it's comedy or a drug ad, PMS is not portrayed as positive or pleasant. You might agree if you go through any range of monthly symptoms that are not only uncomfortable, but even seem to stand in the way of you thriving in your life and relationships. PMS is almost always attributed to the cyclical raising and lowering of specific hormones within a menstruating woman's body. Because of this when a woman feels or acts moody, and it's around her menstrual period, everyone usually chocks her intensity up to hormones-- or PMS.

How much is lost, however, when a woman (and those around her) discounts her feelings as merely PMS? You may choose to believe that how you feel and act are mainly determined by your hormones. This may help you make sense of what seems like erratic behavior. On the other hand, attributing it primarily (or all) to PMS, may make you feel like a victim of your own body's processes.

Kate has a two week span on time on the calendar each month circled in red. These are the weeks around her menstrual period; a time she dreads and, afterwards, usually regrets.

Her boyfriend also knows the PMS time of upheaval is coming and he tries to stay out of Kate's way. Kate has tried just about every type of drug for PMS but it still seems that every month she turns into a furious whirl of negative emotions that nobody wants to be around-- including Kate herself.

Acknowledge EVERYTHING you are feeling.
Start out by recognizing how you are feeling no matter what. If you feel irritated or even outraged, allow yourself to feel that. Don't minimize or ignore your uncomfortable emotions just because it happens to be in the pre-menstrual time.

Do your best to treat yourself with love and compassion, especially right now. Know that it's ok to be kind and accepting of yourself and anything you are feeling. You don't have to take action or confront anyone at the moment. Be where you are and know that this is how you feel right now. You might feel differently in an hour, a day, or a week and that's ok too.

Take care of your emotions.
Just as you might use a heating pad to ease cramping in your back, do what you need to care for yourself emotionally. If you are sad, let yourself cry as long and as deeply as necessary. If you are angry, let that out too. Sit alone in your car with windows up and yell if that helps you release the anger. You might also write, paint, or dance out how you are feeling.

Kate notices that she cries less and less as she gets older. She remembers often being told that "big girls don't cry." And now, especially as she's building her career and even with her boyfriend, she doesn't want to show any weakness that tears seem to her to indicate.

But as she nears those red-lined weeks of the month, what she wants most is to cry. This time when she feels like crying, instead of pushing aside her desire, she takes time to curl up in bed and lets the tears flow.

Allow the cleanse.
Kate realizes how many times throughout the month she denies herself the natural emotions that come up. Sometimes it's wanting to cry. Other times she feels so mad she wants to punch someone. How many times-- even when it's not around your period-- do you push down your feelings because you are embarrassed or feel inappropriate about them?

Perhaps PMS is when a part of you refuses to stuff down or hold back any longer. It is as if the dam finally breaks and the outpouring of intense emotions are finally running their course.

You can move toward ease when you remember menstruation is a cleansing on an emotional as well as biological level. And you don't have to be near or on your period to permit emotional clearing. Create regular caring time for yourself no matter what comes up.

Kate may not choose to break down in tears at work, but she can give herself permission to release frustration at home that same evening (or during a work break) by crying or whatever she's drawn to do.

Choose to let go of the erratic, pre-menstrual woman at the mercy of her hormones image. Instead, fully embrace PMS and re-name it "Providing Myself Space." Let yourself feel what you feel and love yourself as the varied and beautiful you.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.