Alternative Health Articles


 

Addiction and Our Attempts to Keep at Bay the "Wild Things"
By Amy Phillips-Gary

A young boy struggles to deal with his parents' divorce, the introduction of a new person-- his mother's boyfriend-- into his life, feeling left out and ignored by his older sister and an overall sense of loneliness.

This not-so-unusual scenario is the stage upon which the movie version of the beloved children's book Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak is set.

While the book hints at the difficulties the pre-pubescent Max is going through, the movie version (titled the same) expands and brings them to a level that can be downright uncomfortable for viewers. 

The wild things that Max encounters after he sails off to another land act as personifications of his seemingly out of control emotions.

As much as Max and the wild things for whom he is king want it, there simply is no place where only wanted people are and only good things happen. The wild things yearn for Max to erase their sadness once and for all but-- as you might guess-- this is impossible even for a child king in a magical land.

What to do about the wild things?
Whether we are 8 years old, 40 years old, 80 years old or somewhere in between, our emotions can seem as intense and unruly as the wild things in Max's alternative world are. They can literally "eat us up" if we don't soothe and care for them in loving ways.

But the trouble is, many many of us don't want to deal with our wild things.

When we are triggered by something or someone, we tend to push aside our anger, fear, insecurity, sadness, grief or outrage. We might turn to the false promise of things like alcohol, drugs, food, television, computer, exercise, work, and even the opinion of others for a semblance of soothing, distraction or numbing.

There's nothing inherently wrong with any of these behaviors or influences. Unfortunately, we can become so dependent on these external sources for a temporary sensation of uplift that we become addicted.

We move further and further away from learning how to make shifts toward ease within our own selves and we miss the chance to love ourselves completely.

Instead we crawl through life in a conditional way. Our moods and ability to cope and achieve what we want to achieve can become severely limited. This is, in part, because we are working so hard to dull ourselves and not face or feel what we are feeling.

We get by-- as long as we continue to access the cookies, the beer, the sitcoms, the Facebook, the daily workouts, the projects at work, the props from friends, etc.

Meanwhile, our wild things continue to exist. They are in there-- gnashing their teeth, growling and growing. Our addictions can also grow trying to keep those wild things at bay.

[*Note: There are many ways to understand and stop addiction.  These suggestions are a general approach and not meant to replace coaching or therapy. If you feel that your health and wellbeing are in danger because of your addictive behaviors, please seek the help of a professional.]

Stay in Touch & Lose the Judgment
It is absolutely vital that you stay in touch with you. We all live busy lives and it is quite common to feel like there is simply no time for feelings. We cope and stumble along-- usually with the dangerous assistance of our addictive behaviors.

Even if you can only create 5 minutes each day to sit quietly, breathe and feel, do it. Give this to yourself. During those 5 minutes ask yourself how you are feeling and what you need.

If you need to cry, then cry. If you feel like yelling, create space for yourself to yell. Be in the moment with your emotions.

Your in-touch time can be a source of healing, release and rejuvenation as long as you don't fritter it away with critical or judgmental thoughts about what's coming up for you.

For example, if you feel irritated with your partner because he or she disappointed you in some way, notice it. Don't berate yourself for being an "ungrateful spouse" or even your partner for being "lousy and undeserving" of you. Instead, let yourself be mad.

Keep yourself focused on the feelings.

Afterwards, you will be better able to listen to any actions or changes you feel drawn to.

Love your Wild Things.
What any of us need is to feel loved-- unconditionally. You simply cannot love yourself without also loving and finding a sense of peace with your wild things.

You might not like the way that you react to certain situations or people in your life, but you can continue to love yourself anyway.  If you feel jealous, critical, angry or sorry for yourself, you may recoil to admit to these reactions and even feel some embarrassment.

Love yourself anyway-- including those addictive tendencies you have. As you dive deeper into self-hate because you eat, drink or whatever too much, your need for those dangerous soothers increases (as do your wild things).

From a place of love, you can almost always make changes more easily. Make it your goal to find even one aspect of yourself to love as you are, where you are. Once you discover one aspect to love, continue looking for more.

Build from there until you no longer need to escape or try to dull your difficult and intense emotions. Your love, awareness and willingness to listen to yourself and your needs can bring you the ease and answers you really wanted all along.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, homeschool mom and a personal growth adventurer.



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