Motivation Articles


 

Who's Leading Your Life?
By Amy Phillips-Gary

When you think about a leader, what type of person comes to your mind?

It could be a leader such as John F. Kennedy or Barak Obama. These are both political leaders who piloted (and continue to do so in Obama's case) a country in their roles as President.

You might also think about specific people in your personal life who inspire you to particular actions or serve as role models and guides for you and others as well.

Perhaps this is your mother, a friend, the coordinator of an organization you are part of or someone else.

Do you see yourself as a leader in your own life?

This question might sound silly at first read.

How can a person be a leader for him or herself after all? Don't you need a passel of people following you in order to be a leader?

I think that it's worthwhile to consider the question, "Who's leading your life?"

It's wonderful to be inspired and motivated by others. 

But when it comes down to it, if you aren't leading your own life-- at least to some degree-- you may not be directing yourself toward the goals you ultimately want to
achieve.

And, no matter how compelling the person is whom you are choosing to follow, without self-leadership, you are left dependent and even in danger of ending up with a life that was not what you had in mind!

When you are your own leader you are less likely to feel like a victim-- powerless, or even aimless. Instead, you are more apt to be and feel like the primary creator of your life.

Your experiences are more likely to be those you desire.

Rather than being practiced at looking outside yourself for what your next step should be, as your own leader you look and listen within for possibilities and then choose.

What makes an effective leader?
There are many ways to be a leader-- of others or even of your own self. You might have encountered a leader who seemed to you to be overbearing or even tyrannical.

It could be that you've been in leadership positions and you've perceived yourself in these ways.

Many of us have also experienced leaders who seemed untrustworthy or weak, disorganized and confused. Again, your self-perceptions might fit these descriptions.

None of these ways of being a leader seem all that competent or capable.

I want the leaders in my life to help direct me toward some desired goal. And I want to feel respected and vital to the team I'm on in the process.

It is the same when you are the leader and you are also the team.

If for some reason you don't see yourself as trustworthy or clear, how can you lead yourself toward what you want?

And, if you don't respect the steps you are making toward that goal, how can you maintain the energy required to keep moving in that direction?

Here are some qualities associated with effective leaders:
*Integrity-- a sense of being trustworthy and following through
*Clarity-- having a vision for the big picture ahead and how to get there
*Dedication-- a capacity to be persistent and stay focused on the goal
*Openness-- a willingness to explore opportunities that might otherwise be ignored
*Fairness and Humility-- a respect and acknowledgment of the contributions of all team members
*Comportment-- a bodily sense of confidence, clarity and trustworthiness

There are many ways to be an effective leader and this is certainly not an exhaustive list. But these attributes are commonly linked to capable and compelling leaders.

That special something...
I want to focus in for a moment on that last leadership quality listed above: comportment. Have you ever encountered a person who just seems to have something special going on?

People, yourself included, just naturally seem to follow this person; they watch and listen to him or her. Call it charisma, magnetism, even a dazzle.

Usually these particular leaders are quite successful in achieving goals and getting results with the support of others.

There is a comportment, or personal bearing, that comes through in these leaders.

That comportment is conveyed in how they hold their bodies and the somatic and energetic signals they emit.

Have you ever been around someone who was nice as can be but there was something about him or her that caused you to feel you couldn't trust or depend on him or her?

It might have been the way the person's shoulders hunched in or a weak and unconvincing energy about the person. But his or her personal bearing simply did not inspire you to follow along or join up with the path the person was on.

Again, you can apply this same observation to your own relationship to yourself.

What is your usual comportment?  What is the bodily shape you tend to take and how clear and sure are you of what you ask of yourself?

It can mean the difference between floundering about feeling stuck and unsatisfied with your life and moving out of difficulties relatively quickly and resuming your
journey toward your goals.

Explore and Embrace Yourself as a Leader
I invite you to take a closer look at the kind of leader you tend to be-- for yourself and for others.

Even if you are "only" leading yourself or your children, start to pay closer attention.

What are the beliefs you hold about leaders? Perhaps you experienced leadership as a diminishing or otherwise negative force and so now you resist being a leader or following others as leaders.

Begin to make note of the assumptions you make about leaders and leadership and ask yourself if you want to continue to hold that way of thinking.

Is there a new leadership model you'd like to develop? If so, what does it look like?

You might include attributes such as those listed above or you may have a completely different set of effective leadership characteristics.

Once you have a clear and positive vision of leadership, begin to embrace yourself as a leader. Try out some of these ways of being.

For example, you might look at yourself in the mirror more often to see how you tend to hold your body. Experiment with different ways of holding yourself and notice how you feel.

Do you feel stronger or weaker in particular shapes? Does this change your life outlook at all?

This isn't about criticizing or judging yourself as inadequate. It's about learning your comportment habits and deciding to try something new.

Ultimately, I wish for all of us to fully embrace ourselves as effective and capable leaders. There are certainly times when we look to others for guidance and
inspiration.

This is one way we come together as a community.

As we each stand confidently and clearly directed toward our visions for the future, we can more fully contribute to that sense of community.

We can inspire and guide others and allow ourselves to be inspired and guided while maintaining our own sense of self in the process.

Imagine a world full of assure and capable leaders-- and yourself as one of them!
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a freelance writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.






 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
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